The most difficult thing I've ever had to do was watch my beloved husband hold his beloved son's hand as he died this past Saturday. It is a pain that I hope to never experience myself. Parents aren't supposed to have to watch their children die. Parents aren't supposed to have to decide whether their children should be cremated or buried. Parents aren't supposed to have to choose organ donation for their children. My heart is with my husband. And part of his heart died with his son. What am I to do to help him?
The decision was made to donate Ray's major organs. No one told us what this meant. No one told us that we would have to watch him die. Then watch him be resuscitated. Then let him die again. No one told us that his body would change so dramatically during the 24 hour waiting period. It was very difficult for everyone. But, thankfully, 8 people have the hope of a better life because of Ray's death. This is such a small consolation at this time, but it is a consolation.
If anyone out there has been through a similar experience, help me help my husband. His heart is broken. His spirit is broken. And I feel helpless.
Two years ago I lost a close friend to violence. Of course, he had a mother. He was my age. I don't know what to say because I have no idea what she felt. We can't. I didn't know what to do -- we (our household) knew her, and at first, we often talked about all the good things about his life and the happiness he brought us. We always brought up and talked about the good memories and the way knowing him made our life better. The only thing I know to do is to be there for the person -- to talk to them if they want to talk, or to just sit with them if they want someone familiar near.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family at this tragic time.
Life is something that you can't control.
When you try to hold on to it, it makes you let go!
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My Dearest Friend,
Put your trust in the Lord. He has always been there for you and he will help you and Terry through this. You have always been a wonderful example of what a Christian should be. You are so loving and caring, and I know that Terry needs that love and support now. I have not had but one person that I was close to die, but I know you never get over it. You just try to go on as they would want you too.
I will pray for you and Terry and ask God to give you the wisdom to help Terry deal with this.
You are so precious to me and I feel your pain, but I know God is with you and Terry.
Is this not a change? I am doing the preaching!
I Love You My Friend!
Bridget
If its not fun, why do it?
With God, Anything is possiable!!!
The following member(s) say Thank You to Big Mac for this post:
I am so sorry sweet Polly. I have not experienced this kind of pain, so I can not share any similiar experience to help you. My heart aches for you.
I can tell you that I am sorry and I wish that I could carry some of the pain for you guys. I will be praying for God to comfort you and Terry and your family.
The following member(s) say Thank You to dillybar for this post:
I'm so sorry for your families loss. All you can do is just be there for him. Listen when he wants to talk and hold him when he cries. It will be hard but it helps to remember the good times, his smile, his laugh, and him in general. A part of your husband did die that day, I'm sure as well as you. Have faith in the Lord and he will see you through the hard times. If you ever need an ear we'll be here. God bless you and your family. You are in my thoughts, prayers, and hopes for a silver lining in this dark cloud that has come over your family.
-Dress to kill but remember the first thing you kill is your feet.-
-When I'm good I'm very good but...when I'm bad I'm better.-
-MIKE FOR MAYOR!!!-
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I have a friend who last year was able to live because of organ donation. My family was also faced with the choice to make an organ donation recently, so I know how hard that can be. I commend your family for making that decision.
I lost someone who was like family last year. I have seen how his family has struggled. I can't even imagine how strong there pain is because I know it is far worse than my own. Those memories that we cherish will be what your family can hold on to. I like to remember smiles....they make things easier for me. Shy crooked smiles or smiles that can light up a rooom....they make me cry sometimes thinking about them, but they always make me feel a little bit better.
Polly, I will be praying for your family.
When life gives you scurvy, make lemonade
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I am so sorry. I can not imagine your family's pain. You will be in my prayers.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Eleanor Roosevelt
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I have never lost a son; however, I have certainly been through this process. Polly, reassure your husband Terry that he did the best that he could do for his son. Make him know that THIS IS NOT HIS FAULT. (You know what to say.) Protect -not smother- him as he and your extended family go through the next few days.
Finally, let him know that the two of you will grieve, recover, and grow stronger in the privacy of your union, whenever he is ready and able. (Things will not be the same for a while.) Be patient and often pray.
My prayers are with you, your husband, and your extended family.
Happy Holidays,
Truthseeker
The following member(s) say Thank You to truthseeker for this post:
I am so sorry for your loss. My sister lost her son to cancer last year. We are neighbors, worked together, prayed together and cried together. Just be there for him, listen to him, cry with him or whatever it takes to help him through this difficult time......it has brought me and my sister closer than we've ever been. I will be praying for the 2 of you this holiday season as there will be that void that no one can fill.
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Love him. Listen to him. Cry with him. Remind him. There will be 8 people living with the love that your loss allowed them. His spirit went to heaven his body is still doing good on earth. I love you.
The following member(s) say Thank You to MoonBeam for this post:
Ms Polly...We had to say good-bye to our 23 year old daughter and my new born grandson in June 2006, as they were both called home to Heaven to be with Jesus...it is the hardest thing we have ever had to experience...My husband was very close to his "little girl", as was I, and the best thing that helped us get through the pain was our faith and knowing that our daughter, who mhad been in a wheelchair since she was 13, was now able to "run" after her little boy down the streets of gold....God loves his children and He can see the whole picture where we tend to have tunnel vision...He loved your husband's son enough not to let him suffer any more and He allowed your husband's son to live on in the lives of 8 other people....the prayers of all of our friends are the best thing that helped, and continues to help my husband and myself...know that your husband, you and the rest of the family are in my prayers...another thing to remember is that your husband's son gets to help Jesus celebrate His birthday personally this year
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